i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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