Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
