Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
