I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
