im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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