Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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