Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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