Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
