Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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