They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
