My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
