He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
