While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left an ass print on the piano.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
