I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
