So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
