Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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