took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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