dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
