I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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