I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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