when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
