Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
