Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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