i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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