I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
