I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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