the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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