Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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