The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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