Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ketchup is God's man juice
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
