well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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