Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
