Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My cat gives me a boner
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
