Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
