Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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