Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
