i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
