Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
