Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im part way to drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
