Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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