we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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