Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
