He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
