I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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