I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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