If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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