My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
