I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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