drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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