im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
