Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
