When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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