someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm jealous of your bromance
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
