I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
