I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
