we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
