well you can't waste a boner
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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