Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
