Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
