a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
