I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
