thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
