roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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