have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
