It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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