We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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