Will you blow on my dice?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
