I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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