dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
