You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
