i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
