I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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