Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
