my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize